Dear Grandpa

Dear grandpa,
Yesterday, I cried my eyes out
Again
Remembering the past, oh, those sweet days.
I remember your bright, lovable eyes,
Your love for life, the smile.
I remember my childhood in my motherland,
Surrounded by love and warmth.
You used to read newspapers, while I gazed at you,
So concentrated,
Trying to understand if the news were good or bad.

I wish this wasn’t true,
That I were dreaming.
I’m bleeding inside, but I won’t show.
I’m too scared to spread my wings and let it all out,
Scared to start sobbing without an end,
Because I know that it won’t make me any good.
But it’s too late:
Words keep pouring out of me,
I can’t contain them any longer.

There are so many things that I felt the need to tell you,
Things I didn’t say when you were here.
Now, all that I feel is emptiness, loneliness, and fear.
Oh, how I wish you were still here.

You were like my second father
Us two, we had a special bond.
I see it,
A little girl holding an old man’s hand on a winter afternoon,
Directed to that little shop where they bought candy and fruits.
The girl’s cheeks are red as tomatoes and her little nose is turning blue,
But it didn’t matter:
Nothing mattered, except them two.

You know, I miss those days,
And I am wretched for leaving you:
I could not clutch your hand for the last time,
I could not tell you a proper goodbye.
But I will always carry you in my heart,
A heart not big enough for you.

 

© living in verses

(This is one of my first poems ever written, back in 2013, where I abandoned myself to the flow of thoughts, without caring about structure, rhymes, or rhythm. Spontaneity is the reason why I am particularly attached to this work.)

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